Capital Characters Probed in Insider Trading
Here is a sample of the innovative practice we at TQR have come to call 'Insider Trading' wherein a character (usually not the protagonist) from one of the quarter's pieces is interviewed outside of the frame of his or her respective Capital Gain.
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Though not the central character in this quarter's featured Capital Gain -- As The Flavor Runs Out -- the older brother (cryptically referred to in the piece as 'Agent Orange') plays an important role in the psychological detioration of his younger sibling. Plus, he gets the fat girl in the tree house, which is a whole lot more fun than keeping watch from a bedroom window. So, without further ado...
DISCLAIMER: TQR is not responsible for AO's liberal dropping of the 'F' bomb.
TQR: Did you share in your brother's fixation with Bazooka bubble gum?
Agent Orange: Fuck no. Bazooka tastes like boiled soap. If I'd'a seen Joey was so hooked on gum I woulda knocked his teeth in. 'Tstuffs bad for you.
TQR: What's with your brother and your mother?
Agent Orange: Fuck if I know. Joey always was a little weird. And Mom's kind of a bitch, but don't print that, 'cause maybe she reads TQR.
TQR: Was what you got in the treehouse worth it?
Agent Orange: Dude, is it ever NOT worth it?
TQR: Did the girl die?
Agent Orange: Maybe, who cares? I think she just twisted her neck a little. I think I saw her again once at the mall, but it might have been someone else who had the same thighs. I mean it was twenty years ago, who remembers these things? Whatever happened it was her own fuckin' fault.
TQR: What are you doing now?
Agent Orange: I went to school for a couple months but I didn't see the point so I dropped out and moved home again. I started my own online business selling my brother's collectibles. Assholes'll pay hard cash for fucking vintage GI-Joes like they can rekindle their childhood. Total tools. I got twenty-five bucks for one of them. I sell about one every month. Mom says she might throw me out if I don't get a 9-to-5 but she ain't got the guts.
TQR: Do you keep in contact with your family? Your brother in particular? Agent Orange: Well yeah, stupidass, I live at home. Joey's a bigshot now with some trading stock banker thing in Washington city. I kinda don't like talking to him anymore, it's like he's got something to prove so he has to spend all his money on fancy cars an' trophy models an' shit. Don't tell anyone I said this but he's probably switched to something harder than Bazooka by now, at least if all those movies about bankers are true.
TQR: Why did you give yourself the moniker Agent Orange?
Agent Orange: I don't fuckin' know, why does anybody do anything? Maybe 'cause of all those news stories about Vietnamian kids what got brain damage, or something. It sounds awesome actually, maybe I should make it my new seller name on eBay. Can I go now?
###
Afterword: I decided to grant the miscreant's wish, and, as it were: let him go. It was all I could do to restrain myself from engaging the brigand in a bout of fisticuffs, such was the offensiveness of the proximity of his person upon my higher sensibilities. My secretary, Ms. Murdock was tasked with fumigating the office in which this interview was conducted, bless her soul. So. No harm, no foul, I suppose. And it just goes to prove that the reprehensability (is that a word, dear investor?) of a character does not mean the capital he or she inhabits can not be an admirable example of capital gain. So please, turn your attention to this quarter's CG: As The Flavor Runs Out, and enjoy.
***
Though not the central character in this quarter's featured Capital Gain -- As The Flavor Runs Out -- the older brother (cryptically referred to in the piece as 'Agent Orange') plays an important role in the psychological detioration of his younger sibling. Plus, he gets the fat girl in the tree house, which is a whole lot more fun than keeping watch from a bedroom window. So, without further ado...
DISCLAIMER: TQR is not responsible for AO's liberal dropping of the 'F' bomb.
TQR: Did you share in your brother's fixation with Bazooka bubble gum?
Agent Orange: Fuck no. Bazooka tastes like boiled soap. If I'd'a seen Joey was so hooked on gum I woulda knocked his teeth in. 'Tstuffs bad for you.
TQR: What's with your brother and your mother?
Agent Orange: Fuck if I know. Joey always was a little weird. And Mom's kind of a bitch, but don't print that, 'cause maybe she reads TQR.
TQR: Was what you got in the treehouse worth it?
Agent Orange: Dude, is it ever NOT worth it?
TQR: Did the girl die?
Agent Orange: Maybe, who cares? I think she just twisted her neck a little. I think I saw her again once at the mall, but it might have been someone else who had the same thighs. I mean it was twenty years ago, who remembers these things? Whatever happened it was her own fuckin' fault.
TQR: What are you doing now?
Agent Orange: I went to school for a couple months but I didn't see the point so I dropped out and moved home again. I started my own online business selling my brother's collectibles. Assholes'll pay hard cash for fucking vintage GI-Joes like they can rekindle their childhood. Total tools. I got twenty-five bucks for one of them. I sell about one every month. Mom says she might throw me out if I don't get a 9-to-5 but she ain't got the guts.
TQR: Do you keep in contact with your family? Your brother in particular? Agent Orange: Well yeah, stupidass, I live at home. Joey's a bigshot now with some trading stock banker thing in Washington city. I kinda don't like talking to him anymore, it's like he's got something to prove so he has to spend all his money on fancy cars an' trophy models an' shit. Don't tell anyone I said this but he's probably switched to something harder than Bazooka by now, at least if all those movies about bankers are true.
TQR: Why did you give yourself the moniker Agent Orange?
Agent Orange: I don't fuckin' know, why does anybody do anything? Maybe 'cause of all those news stories about Vietnamian kids what got brain damage, or something. It sounds awesome actually, maybe I should make it my new seller name on eBay. Can I go now?
###
Afterword: I decided to grant the miscreant's wish, and, as it were: let him go. It was all I could do to restrain myself from engaging the brigand in a bout of fisticuffs, such was the offensiveness of the proximity of his person upon my higher sensibilities. My secretary, Ms. Murdock was tasked with fumigating the office in which this interview was conducted, bless her soul. So. No harm, no foul, I suppose. And it just goes to prove that the reprehensability (is that a word, dear investor?) of a character does not mean the capital he or she inhabits can not be an admirable example of capital gain. So please, turn your attention to this quarter's CG: As The Flavor Runs Out, and enjoy.
posted by Theodore Q. Rorschalk at 12:58 PM
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