1st & 2ND Web cast of The Rorschalk Group

Every week or two some of the staff and I have a panel discussion show on various writerly and readerly subjects. This is a transcript of the first ever TRG.

Complete Transcript of the pilot episode of The Rorschalk Group, aired live Oct 22, 7pm MDT.

Welcome to the first airing of The Rorschalk Group, my esteemed panelists are: ronraygun, a hard right genre man with a penchant for too much action and very little subtlety; boligard doomey, a hard drinking, hard writing pugilist who once was the number 5 contender for the WBA welterweight title; and Gabrielle Deplancher, a sweet French Canadienne lady who prefers her capital with a literary bent and is not beneath knocking a few heads to get her way.
Now, without further ado...

[21:02 tqr]Some guy named Pinter recently won the Nobel Prize for lit. I’m showing my ignorance here, I’m sure, cuz I hardly ever heard tell of the gentleman. Plus, who reads plays anymore? I mean, after Eugene O’Neill, who else is or was there?
If you were named Sven (or Olga, I didn’t forget you dear Gabrielle) and had a vote for the Nobel Lit prize, who would it have been, and why?
[21:08 ronraygun] the only real measure of quality is monetary sucess[sic]...so danielle steel
[21:09 tqr] That's a the ticket!
[21:09 tqr] Gabrielle, the question goes to you!
[21:10 tqr] Don't let boligard's stench throw you off.
[21:10 doomey] hey
[21:10 doomey] damn you to hell, theo
[21:10 deplancher] Michel Tremblay!
[21:10 tqr] You've been drinking all day,Doomey, it's clear!
[21:10 tqr] Who the hell is Michel Tremblay?
[21:11 deplancher] of course, you have no choice but to choose l'enfant terrible..
[21:11 deplancher] who the hell...???!
[21:11 deplancher] mon dieux, theo
[21:11 tqr] I'm not very versed in French letters.
[21:11 deplancher] he is the playwright
[21:11 tqr] Or how you say, le belle lettres?
[21:11 tqr] I hate plays! Didn't you read my intro?
[21:12 deplancher] best known for Les Belles-soeurs
[21:12 tqr] Deplancher, you're hopeless... Boligard, can you salvage this mess?
[21:12 deplancher] you must not hate, theo. I told you before.
[21:12 deplancher] c'est dangereux
[21:12 doomey] first, as far as who the hell is Michel Tremblay? who the hell are any of the past nobel prize winners? besides morrison and grass
[21:12 deplancher] but...what is wrong with Harold [Pinter]?
[21:12 doomey] i don't know any of these bastards
[21:12 doomey] and who the hell is pinter?
[21:13deplancher] you must read more, theo! and not those magazine under the mattress...
[21:13 doomey] french lieutenant's woman?!
[21:13 doomey] fuck that shit
[21:13 tqr] I'm with you, Pinter who?
[21:13 deplancher] Qui..you know it, doomer
[21:13 doomey] if i had my vote...
[21:13 deplancher] Doomey
[21:13 doomey] it'd be a posthumous award to bukowski
[21:13 deplancher] your vote is cast
[21:13 deplancher] Well, but he is not a writer!
[21:13 doomey] his corpse needs this award
[21:14 doomey] and he's better than fucking pinter!
[21:14 deplancher] Bukowski, he was a plant.
[21:14 deplancher] Non, non!. That is not true.
[21:14 doomey] oh my god
[21:14 doomey] i am 'bout to get pissed, DeP
[21:14 tqr] The question is, who is more widely read, in my opinion. Raygun has it right.
[21:14 deplancher] He [Bukowski] was a cigarette.
[21:14 doomey] hey, guys
[21:14 tqr] But Bukowski is not bad.
[21:14 doomey] what the hell is wrong with DeP?
[21:15 deplancher] What did he say?
[21:15 deplancher] That he is right..
[21:15 doomey] have you guys been drinking?
[21:15 tqr] I've had a PBR.
[21:15 deplancher] so...
[21:16 ronraygun] you still prattling on about some rotton [sic] bastard no one cares about?
[21:16 deplancher] I have lemon pie
[21:16 deplancher] cotton
[21:16 doomey] oh goddamn it
[21:16 doomey] i aught'a
[21:16 tqr] Next topic!
[21:16 tqr] You all shut up. I'm the mod here!
[21:16 doomey] no no
[21:16 doomey] we got something to settle here
[21:16 ronraygun] you outta what? borrow some money like your piss smelling beat poet hero?
[21:17 doomey] screw you, pal!
[21:17 tqr] This goes to Dep cuz she is the most refined among us.
[21:17 deplancher] Qu'est-ce que c'est, theo?
[21:17 deplancher] Well, then I must listen..
[21:17 tqr] Picasso said 'Art is a lie that tells the truth.' What the hell is he talking about? Dep?
[21:17 doomey] no he didn't
[21:17 doomey] you got the quote wrong
[21:18 deplancher] Oh, Picasso. His moustache...
[21:18 tqr] Shut up, Doomey. Or I'm banning you for life!
[21:18 deplancher] But he was short you know that, theo.
[21:18 doomey] "Art is the lie that makes us realize the truth."
[21:18 deplancher] He is speaking of trickery of course. Of the eye...
[21:19 doomey] "the lie" and "realize", sister.
[21:19 deplancher] Artists interpret the world...for themselves
[21:19 tqr] Damn you Doomey, perhaps I paraphrased. Now let Dep do her thing.
[21:19 doomey] Ok sorry
[21:19 doomey] won't happen again
[21:19 doomey] my bad
[21:19 deplancher] But they do not tell you what it is that they mean...
It is for the beholder to figure it out. Like a riddle. So, sometimes the art it is beautiful.
[21:20 tqr] So you like capital that makes the reader work, yes?
[21:20 deplancher] Like a kaleidoscope or a rainbow
[21:20 tqr] No spoon feeding garbage for you!
[21:20 deplancher] Yes, yes. Of course. We cannot be lazy like a couch rock ... couch potato, je pense
[21:21 tqr] You're a tough nut to crack. My condolences to the VCs who get you on the Floor.
[21:21 deplancher] No! sans garbage.
[21:21 deplancher] Yes, I throw it out without
[21:21 deplancher] hesitation
[21:21 deplancher] There.
[21:21 tqr] Good! I like that.
[21:21 deplancher] There is too much of the garbage in the alleys
[21:21 deplancher] But Picasso.
[21:21 tqr] Doomey, Ron, rebuttle?
[21:22 deplancher] He [Picasso] knew how to turn garbage into something beautiful. Erotic even.
[21:22 doomey] he's saying if something tells the truth and it is also false, it must be art. if it tells the truth and it also the truth, than it must be something other than art, like history or journalism or science. pretty frickin simple
[21:22 ronraygun] he's said that because it sounds witty enough to get him laid
[21:23 deplancher] There is nothing simple
[21:23 tqr] Ron! Once again, you've nailed it!
[21:23 ronraygun] art? yruth[sic]? who cares? it's all sex and money
[21:23 tqr] Doomey, you have just managed to confuse the hell out of me again, just like Picasso.
[21:23 doomey] what?
[21:23 deplancher] Je pense it is money.
[21:23 deplancher] Then sex
[21:23 doomey] couldn't be more simple
[21:24 deplancher] Okay. It is simple.
[21:24 deplancher] You are simply right.
[21:24 tqr] Next topic! Doomey ... Web publishing: the wave of the future? Or the venue for postal-service challenged hacks?
[21:25 doomey] well
[21:25 doomey] you see
[21:25 doomey] i think web pubs will rocket once we use up all the goddamn trees so what we need to do is go out there and chop down some motherfucking trees, sister
[21:26 doomey] no
[21:26 doomey] really
[21:26 ronraygun] finally something i agree with!
[21:26 deplancher] CC Rider
[21:26 doomey] i think web pubs have not a chance in hell
[21:26 tqr] Well then
[21:26 doomey] investors need the page between their fingertips
[21:27 tqr] what the hell are we doing here at TQR then?
[21:27 doomey] its a sensory thing
[21:27 deplancher] No, not for the sane people of the world.
[21:27 doomey] hey
[21:27 doomey] i am for the web pub
[21:27 tqr] What about paper cuts, eh?
[21:27 deplancher] Oh, well that changes everything...
[21:27 doomey] you asked, i answered
[21:27 deplancher] I too think it important to support the new technology It will save the trees.
[21:27 tqr] Paper cuts are the most painful cut type ever!
[21:27 doomey] i wanted [21:28 doomey] early on
[21:28 deplancher] and gas, Doomey.
[21:28 doomey] to [i wanted to] pioneer the ebook thang
[21:28 deplancher] For your chainsaw.
[21:28 tqr] Speak to me Boli. Testify!
[21:28 doomey] but then i got into wierd sex shit so the ebook thang kinda flew out the window but as stated i wanted to champion the ebook thang
i believe in the ebook, sister! but it doesn't have a chance in hell
[21:29 tqr] Hallelujah!
[21:29 tqr] Er, I mean, Noooo, don't say that!
[21:29 doomey] sensory thing, man.
[21:29 tqr] And, why not, then? Eh? You buzzkill?
[21:30 doomey] sensory
[21:30 doomey] how do you spell sensory?
[21:30 doomey] god's sack, i am stupid
[21:30 tqr] All right. But we'll give it a go, no?'
[21:30 tqr] Dep, do you agree with Doomey?
[21:30 doomey] oh christ yes
[21:30 tqr] Raygun, what say you?
[21:30 doomey] amen, motherfucker!
[21:31 deplancher] yes, with everything he says...
[21:31 tqr] Watch your language, Boli.
[21:31 tqr] I'm giving you a demerit.
[21:31 ronraygun] if jim jones can convince hundreds to kill themselves..can't we convince s few people to give us money for the site?
[21:31 deplancher] Game misconduct at footbal
[21:31 tqr] Depends on the Kool Aid, brother.
[21:31 doomey] 900 and something folks swallowed that koolaid
[21:32 deplancher] yes, they made big mistake
[21:32 deplancher] never be a follower, Doomey.
[21:32 tqr] Well, thankfully TQR doesn't want to kill anyone.
[21:32 tqr] Maybe just maim.
[21:32 doomey] stupid cocksuckin motherfuckers
[21:32 ronraygun] we don't?
[21:32 deplancher] but, non. No killing please
[21:32 doomey] i am sad now
[21:32 doomey] oh hell
[21:32 deplancher] I have a pardon.
[21:32 deplancher] I mean a passport.
[21:32 tqr] Can't you be happy with maiming, ronny?
[21:33 doomey] damn you, jones!
[21:33 tqr] Spock, help me, Spock!
[21:33 ronraygun] my point is..people will pay for anything, so why not Web based pubs?
[21:33 deplancher] Is there a better way to get people to send money? Let us think..
[21:33 deplancher] baste?
[21:33 deplancher] oh. thank you.
[21:33 doomey] now would be a good time to beam me up, scotty
[21:34 tqr] TQR will eventually get advertising, I hope.
[21:34 ronraygun] like a turkey
[21:34 tqr] We're going to keep it free for the investors.
[21:34 ronraygun] doomey, you're a red shirt
[21:34 deplancher] web based pubs are...
[21:34 tqr] Yes, Dep?
[21:34 deplancher] free. But people can still send money. Give them an address just in case.
[21:34 doomey] red shirt. hah hah.
[21:34 tqr] No, no, no.
[21:34 ronraygun] dep..extortion?
[21:35 deplancher] Some people have extra money.
[21:35 doomey] fuck money
[21:35 tqr] I hate e-pubs that begger themselves.
[21:35 doomey] we don't need money
[21:35 tqr] Although I do have a penchant for buggery.
[21:35 deplancher] well, non. Not extortion. But
[21:35 doomey] we need sweat and blood and piss and vomit, sister!
[21:35 deplancher] Non, he is right. We don't need money!
[21:35 ronraygun] i like the extortion idea that dep has..we send people viruses and they have to pay for the fix..and we'll send em capital too
[21:35 deplancher] We need to dance
[21:36 doomey] yeah, baby
[21:36 tqr] No, stop the music!
[21:36 deplancher] I have a ticket for the dance.
[21:37 tqr] Raygun, next topic.
And it's a stupid one.
But it's on my stupid list
[21:37 doomey] topics
[21:37 doomey] cripes
[21:37 tqr] How many sub-genres can Barnes and Noble stuff into one standard-size book case?
[21:37 deplancher] Bob Dylan
[21:38 tqr] Is that a non sequitur I smell, Dep?
[21:38 tqr] The question is to Raygun!
[21:38 ronraygun] at my last count...16
[21:38 tqr] Doomey!
[21:38 deplancher] ???
[21:38 ronraygun] dylan? the canadian is high...again
[21:38 doomey] i think it's funny how they group Wicca with New Age.
[21:38 deplancher] It is very cold here..
[21:39 doomey] but i never counted
[21:39 doomey] so i dunno
[21:39 deplancher] Wicca is not NEW!
[21:39 tqr] Dep, what say you?
[21:39 doomey] i'll guess
[21:39 doomey] 256,100,612
[21:39 deplancher] Are those the lottery numbers, D?
[21:39 tqr] I think that's close, very close Doomey.
[21:39 tqr] Those are the stuffed genres, Dep. Get your head in the game!
[21:40 deplancher] the combination to the safe in T's office?
[21:40 deplancher] Oh.
[21:40 tqr] Now, I've got to go eat my ribs, so we'll rap this up, yes?
[21:40 deplancher] I forgot
[21:40 deplancher] Wrap it.
[21:40 tqr] Predictions! Of the literary or just plain old writing variety.
[21:40 deplancher] You are hungry and we have learned enough
[21:41 tqr] Dep! Your first.
[21:41 doomey] don't forget to ask the investors if they have anything to say
[21:41 deplancher] And I want to watch No Direction Home
[21:41 deplancher] Yes
[21:41 ronraygun] l33t sp33k will replace english in 5 years
[21:41 deplancher] Who are they?
[21:42 deplancher] I must learn it then so that I can
[21:42 doomey] i gotta go see a doctor. none of you creeps asked how my bout went friday night.
[21:42 tqr] What the hell is 133t sp33k?
[21:42 deplancher] Are you beaten?
[21:42 doomey] like you don't care and shit
[21:42 tqr] Some kind of Esperanto?
[21:42 ronraygun] tqr, something nerd do on the internet when not touching themselves
[21:42 deplancher] Of course we do care!
[21:43 tqr] Thanks, that's a good prediction. Geeks are multiplying.
[21:43 deplancher] Well, they don't maybe..
[21:43 doomey] i kicked his ass
[21:43 tqr] Doomey! Predictions! (I'm sorry, I didn't know about the fight.)
[21:43 deplancher] High pants
[21:43 deplancher] Yes! I knew it.
[21:43 deplancher] You did not bloody him too badly, non? [21:44 doomey] sliced open my left nipple. think he had a razor in his glove
[21:44 ronraygun] doomey was this boxing or mma?
[21:44 tqr] Doomey, prediction!
[21:44 tqr] I don't care about your stupid fight!
[21:44 tqr] Read the tea leaves.
[21:44 doomey] but i got his balls ... wham wham wham .... i worked his balls, sisters ... he fell
[21:44 tqr] So they know what to buy next.
[21:44 deplancher] with a razor? Oww
[21:44 doomey] investors?
[21:45 deplancher] Are they talking with us?
[21:45 tqr] 'While my ribs gently weep.'
[21:45 doomey] is someone filming us?
[21:45 tqr] And Jesus wept, cuz he had to eat cold ribs.'
[21:45 tqr] Damn you!
[21:45 doomey] stuff it, theo
[21:45 deplancher] Yes, your wife will eat them all if you don't hurry. And they won't be sticky anymore so you don't have to wash your hands.
[21:45 doomey] you should'a ate prior to the broadcast!
[21:45 tqr] I'm skipping your prediction Doomey. You're washed up ... as a figher and a scribe! Smoke that! Dep, prediction!
[21:46 deplancher] High Pants will come back into fashion
[21:46 doomey] high pants
[21:46 doomey] oh my god
[21:46 doomey] we typed that at the same time
[21:46 deplancher] And even hipsters will seek them out with zeal. Some will wear red suspenders.
[21:46 doomey] freak out, man
[21:57 tqr] And with that, the first episode of The Rorschalk Group comes to a close/ Thank you all for joining in and I don't think we made an impression on the writing world or le monde at large, but I hope I at least insulted some of you well. Until next week, ‘Bye, bye!’


The Rorschalk Group: Nov. 4, 2005, 730MST


[22:40 tqr] Hello and welcome to The Rorschalk Group. I’m your host, you are my panel. Tonight’s show is shaping up to be something of a history lesson, what with Hemingway and Crane being something of the subjects of the topics. So, I hope you did your homework, cuz if you’re looking for me to carry the show ... well, that’s not good.


[22:40 tqr] . Stephen Crane's Red Badge of Courage is still regarded as one of the best fictional accounts of war, even though Crane never experienced battle. Is this a valid example to cite concerning the value of research over experience or was Crane just a freak of nature?


[22:41 tqr] DeP, what do you say?
[22:41 deplancher] Man Canada. Ride horse named Flint.
[22:41 deplancher] Well, Crane is a freak of nature certainly.
[22:41doomey] poop
[22:41 tqr] No, Stephen Crane, you crazy royalist.
[22:41 deplancher] But is it not a freak who writes the best novel? [22:41 doomey] that's #2
[22:41 tqr] Doomey, I see you want to cut in. Be my guest.

[22:41 doomey] i was preped for #2
[22:42deplancher] about
[22:42 tqr] Yes, you noticed I changed the order.
[22:42 tqr] DeP, Crane never saw a battlefield.
[22:42 deplancher] It is a trick, doomey.
[22:42 doomey] you slime-crust bastard
[22:42 tqr] How do you explain his vivid protrayal of combat he never experienced?
[22:42 deplancher] No, and you can tell he has not
[22:43 tqr] Please, elaborate.
[22:43 tqr] Doomey, let the lady speak.
[22:43 deplancher] He has googled all the great battles
[22:43 doomey] i didn't say anyrthing
[22:43 deplancher] It is not so hard to find all things if you look, T.
[22:43 tqr] Good, keep it that way until I call on your sorry ass!
[22:44 tqr] Go on DeP. What the hell is your point?
[22:44 deplancher] I learned how to climb a great mountain and slide down on a snowboard
[22:44 tqr] Spit it out, DeP. I've got my ribs waiting...
[22:44 tqr] Just kidding.
[22:44 deplancher] Yet I do not even own a snowboard. [22:44 doomey] DeP type slow
[22:44 tqr] Please, make you thesis.
[22:44 tqr] your thesis.
[22:44 tqr] that is.
[22:44 deplancher] But when I described it in my great big story and published it, [22:45 deplancher] Everyone said, look at her: she is a great knowledgeable snowboarder. Obviously.
[22:45 tqr] Are we talking about snow or Stephen Crane. The network frowns on chaos in programming like this, you know!
[22:45 deplancher] So Crane. He does not have to do battle to write about it.
[22:45 deplancher] He chose the topic. And then found out. And then he wrote.
[22:45 tqr] Oh, you're making an analogy.
[22:45 deplancher] So there it is.
[22:45 tqr] Nice!
[22:45 deplancher] But I bet he has a gun.
[22:46 tqr] Been said before many times, but nice.
[22:46 deplancher] Can we call him?
[22:46 tqr] DeP, you took the safe route. Let's see what Dummy, er, Doomey says.
[22:46 deplancher] Well, I was dancing instead of doing my...um homewerk.
[22:46 tqr] Stephen Crane is dead!
[22:46 doomey] Crane wrote poetry. he published The Black Riders
[22:47 doomey] earlier that same year
[22:47 doomey] people dug it
[22:47 doomey] but
[22:47 doomey] you know
[22:47 tqr] He died at the age of 29. Another freaky fact. Most writers are just getting their sea legs by that age.
[22:47 doomey] he was a poet!
[22:47 doomey] anywhat
[22:47 tqr] Yes. That is true. But what's your point?
[22:47 doomey] he was a writer, fer crisake
[22:47 doomey] that's what we do
[22:47 tqr] The question is...
[22:48 doomey] and yes
[22:48 doomey] i know the question
[22:48 tqr] He wrote this acclaimed war novel but never went to war.
[22:48 tqr] What gives, eh?
[22:48 doomey] writers everywhere are doing it
[22:48 doomey] i wanted to find so fine examples
[22:48 doomey] but i didn't have time
[22:48 tqr] Aren't we supposed to experience then write about it?
[22:48 deplancher] It was H.G.'s fault. He told him everything.
[22:48 doomey] what with my prince records getting flooded
[22:49 doomey] and i had sop up the friggin mess
[22:49 tqr] I'm sorry about that flood. But answer me!
[22:49 doomey] but that's what we do, sister
[22:49 tqr] Yes, but ...
[22:49 doomey] butt
[22:49 tqr] Experience, like Jimi Hendrix
[22:49 deplancher] Clean clean clean
[22:49 tqr] Are you experienced.
[22:50 tqr] Not necessarily stone, but...
[22:50 tqr] beautiful.
[22:50 deplancher] Wind calling Mary
[22:50 tqr] Yeah?
[22:50 deplancher] But it was the realistic reproduction of the Crane man.
[22:50 deplancher] that set him apart.
[22:50 deplancher] But it was the realistic reproduction of the Crane man.
[22:50 deplancher] that set him apart.
[22:50 tqr] If 6 was 9, and all that
[22:50 doomey] let's see, did James Frey actually go to rehab?
[22:50 deplancher] he was able to be natural. [22:50 doomey] did heminway hunt?
[22:50 tqr] Did Bukowski actually go to a Zen wedding?
[22:51 deplancher] Is he the Eagle man's frere?
[22:51 doomey] did burroughs shoot junk?
[22:51 tqr] Hell, yes, Heminway hunted.
[22:51 doomey] see?
[22:51 tqr] Hell yes, B shot junk.
[22:51 deplancher] does Bob know how to spell?
[22:51 doomey] we don't friggin know
[22:51 doomey] but they wrote about it
[22:51 deplancher] But, Doomey. We can imagine.
[22:52 deplancher] And so could they. Fill in the holes
[22:52 tqr] Is there any kind of consensus here on Crane, man?
[22:52 tqr] I say he's a freak.
[22:52 deplancher] Well, that is what I said, did I not?
[22:52 tqr] Died at 29 of TB, and is still one of the iconic writer's of the 19th century.
[22:52 doomey] oh, another cool factoid is that red badge has never gone out of print
[22:52 deplancher] at the beginning.
[22:53 tqr] See, the guy's a freak.
[22:53 tqr] I said it FIRST! DeP, no thunder stealing, see?
[22:53 doomey] no i say he is not a freak
[22:53 tqr] Freak!
[22:53 tqr] Next topic.
[22:53 deplancher] No, T. Be careful you silly worm
[22:53 doomey] weird though
[22:53 deplancher] You only ASKED. I said it.
[22:53 doomey] where'd he get all his info?
[22:53 tqr] Magic Realism was all the rage after Marquez won the Nobel Prize, as was Vampire Fiction with the crazy success of Rice's Interview with a Vampire. What's the next 'Big Genre' and who will be its champion?
[22:54 doomey] here we go
[22:54 doomey] rushing ourselves again
[22:54 tqr] Doomey, what do you say?
[22:54 tqr] We need snappy copy, bra. The investors demand it.
[22:55 doomey] you know, i'd like to answer you, but i must go grab another adult beverage from my icebox
[22:55 tqr] If you want, we can have an after show show, yeah?
[22:55 doomey] give me a moment
[22:55 doomey] or a second
[22:55 deplancher] Wake up, Doomey!
[22:55 doomey] no make that a moment
[22:55 doomey] no wait
[22:55 deplancher] Oh he is so tired after that stuff.
[22:55 tqr] All right. One moment, coming up.
[22:55 doomey] okay
[22:55 doomey] go ahead
[22:55 tqr] Is he shooting junk again?
[22:56 tqr] Magic Realism was all the rage after Marquez won the Nobel Prize, as was Vampire Fiction with the crazy success of Rice's Interview with a Vampire. What's the next 'Big Genre' and who will be its champion?
[22:56 doomey] i gotta go drain the main...
[22:56 deplancher] He sits at that desk, T. And doesn't move for hours.
[22:56 tqr] Doomey?
[22:56 deplancher] Sometimes his eyes are open but I don't know where he is
[22:56 tqr] He's a workhorse with a needle.
[22:56 doomey] what the fuck
[22:56 tqr] In his arm.
[22:56 deplancher] He is taking
[22:56 doomey] hey wait
[22:56 deplancher] I won't say
[22:56 doomey] you two
[22:56 tqr] He's far out in the Sandusky, er Van Allen Belt.
[22:56 doomey] i aughta'
[22:56 deplancher] oh he is here
[22:57 doomey] er wadever
[22:57 deplancher] Okay, the magic mushroom genre
[22:57 doomey] what's the question?
[22:57 tqr] All right, Doomey, answer said question. What's next in the fad lit thing?
[22:57 deplancher] Non, non. What is real now, Doomey?
[22:57 deplancher] for the future and who is it for?
[22:57 tqr] Magic Realism has it's day, so did Vampire shit...
[22:57 doomey] well
[22:58 doomey] um
[22:58 tqr] What's the wave of the future (present)
[22:58 deplancher] I think creepy malformed people living in shadows
[22:58 doomey] i've done a little research
[22:58 tqr] Come on, sister!
[22:58 deplancher] and sucking life from church people for energy
[22:58 doomey] fiction, led by thrillers, staged a comeback in 2004
[22:58 doomey] which is pretty cool
[22:58 deplancher] and that's how they grow stronger and slowly take over commercial things
[22:58 doomey] seeing as how
[22:58 deplancher] like the shopping malls
[22:59 doomey] i had no idea fiction
[22:59 doomey] doesn't sell
[22:59 deplancher] it is a dirty world, T. And I am afraid that people like it
[22:59 tqr] DeP, let the man speak!
[22:59 tqr] You'll have your turn.
[22:59 doomey] religious titles went big
[22:59 doomey] which is friggin scary
[22:59 doomey] but
[22:59 doomey] i feel the wave of the near future
[22:59 doomey] is true life fiction
[23:00 doomey] doesn't even have a real genre name yet
[23:00 tqr] Like nonfiction, which is labeled as fiction.
[23:00 doomey] like the James Frey book?
[23:00 tqr] What's do they call it "Creative Non fiction"
[23:00 doomey] a million little pieces?
[23:00 tqr] Is that oxymoronic or what?
[23:00 doomey] yah yah
[23:00 doomey] silly
[23:00 doomey] but
[23:00 doomey] here's my point
[23:00 tqr] Me no know Frey.
[23:01 tqr] Proceed.
[23:01 doomey] look at television
[23:01 tqr] DeP, if you want to cut in, type POO
[23:01 deplancher] oh non.
[23:01 doomey] what's up with all the reality television crap?
[23:01 tqr] then Dummy will call on you.
[23:01 tqr] Hey, TQR is inspired by that Reality TV crap.
[23:01 tqr] So... you know, take it easy, bra!
[23:02 doomey] oh, it is the worst, sister
[23:02 doomey] it does not get worse
[23:02 doomey] we, as a collective
[23:02 doomey] are DOOMED!
[23:02 doomey] and i say
[23:02 tqr] But TQR has borrowed the premise, we are a full service e-zine with transparent walls.
[23:02 doomey] unless someone helps out
[23:02 doomey] say Roth
[23:02 doomey] or Rushdie
[23:03 doomey] we's screwed
[23:03 doomey] at least i am not saying
[23:03 doomey] self help will rule the best seller lists
[23:03 doomey] that would be the bottom, man
[23:04 tqr] Yikes, that is a scary thought.
[23:04 doomey] that's my prediction though
[23:04 tqr] DeP, what do you say?
[23:04 doomey] real life fiction
[23:04 doomey] bullshit in ink
[23:04 tqr] I know.
[23:04 tqr] They're pandering to the morons who want everything they read to be 'true'
[23:05 tqr] which they all interpret as having only able to be shit that has 'happened in real life'.
[23:05 tqr] Morons.
[23:05 deplancher] The idea makes me tremble.
[23:05 deplancher] real life fiction
[23:05 deplancher] Can it really go on and on>
[23:06 tqr] I think we're back to Picasso's axiom, and how it no longer plays in Peoria, sister.
[23:06 tqr] DeP, do you have a counter attack to Doomey's dire prectiction?
[23:06 deplancher] who is watching I ask, thinking it cannot be so popular, this nekked stupid behaviour with people watching all over the world.
[23:06 deplancher] then it seems everyone
[23:07 deplancher] but I have some hope that there is higher ground
[23:07 tqr] Are we just a bunch of voyeurs waiting for a thrill?
[23:07 tqr] A cheap thrill, too.
[23:07 deplancher] the sloths cannot be left to rule
[23:07 deplancher] cheap thrills poor sound quality but strong heart
[23:08 doomey] poo
[23:08 tqr] And your prediction is...?
[23:08 deplancher] the intelligent though, are sometimes overwhelmed
[23:08 tqr] I see a poo!
[23:08 deplancher] what
[23:08 tqr] DeP, call on him will ya?
[23:08 doomey] yes, poo
[23:08 tqr] Or finish your thought first.
[23:08 deplancher] Doomey, say what you say
[23:08 tqr] Or, or , or
[23:08 doomey] well
[23:09 deplancher] Non, I don't like finishing
[23:09 deplancher] then it is over
[23:09 doomey] DeP really needs to answer the goddamned question
[23:09 deplancher] Doomey, say...
[23:09 tqr] Doomey, can you type any goddamn slower?
[23:09 doomey] no. take yer time
[23:09 tqr] ha ha.
[23:09 deplancher] He is so tired.
[23:09 doomey] i am slow
[23:09 doomey] yes
[23:09 deplancher] He is so tired.
[23:09 doomey] i am slow [23:09 doomey] yes
[23:09 tqr] I will kill you with my fists.
[23:09 doomey] been workin out on the time bag
[23:09 deplancher] See! There is too much violence in your hearts
[23:10 tqr] And then stomp on you with my feet when you are down.
[23:10 doomey] christ sake, ted
[23:10 doomey] give it a friggin break
[23:10 deplancher] And people like it. Love and peace have become boring and cliche
[23:10 tqr] Your face will bleed skin as the candle bleeds wax.
[23:10 deplancher] But they will rise again
[23:10 doomey] i'd knock you back to tomorrow
[23:10 deplancher] Only not so fluffy and weak
[23:10 tqr] What's so funny 'bout peace, love and understandin'?
[23:10 deplancher] Peace with muscle? No, with an island maybe
[23:11 deplancher] Only not for 'Survivor' to dip its feet
[23:11 tqr] The Island of Dr. Moreau, perhaps?
[23:11 doomey] before we cut into the next topic
[23:11 deplancher] Not funny [23:11 doomey] i was hoping to have a moment
[23:11 tqr] A goodly French phsysician, that.
[23:11 deplancher] what is it, the next one?
[23:11 doomey] but DeP needs to answer
[23:11 deplancher] My printer is blinking.
[23:11 tqr] No, Doomey's ruminating.
[23:11 tqr] Let's give him the floor.
[23:12 deplancher] Well, as I said in the beginning, I don't WANT it to happen
[23:12 tqr] And DeP should answer.
[23:12 doomey] i don't know how to ruminate!
[23:12 deplancher] But since we a world of bloodthirsty killers or voyeurs..then
[23:12 tqr] Chew the cud, sister~!
[23:12 tqr] The fat, the skinny, the good dope!
[23:12 doomey] she has absolutely no idea what we're talking about
[23:12 tqr] Lay it on me, black soul man!
[23:13 deplancher] what will be next is a genre of slickly dressed well coifed albeit a little dirty killers
[23:13 deplancher] roaming
[23:13 deplancher] what will be next is a genre of slickly dressed well coifed albeit a little dirty killers
[23:13 deplancher] roaming
[23:13 tqr] Yes, DeP, we're listening.
[23:13 doomey] yes
[23:13 deplancher] about eating up the goodies
[23:13 tqr] Didn't that dude already break that ground with American Psycho, Bret Easton Ellis, I think.
[23:14 deplancher] and the G.P. will love it as they love the real dumb life stories of smooth, richly enhanced celebrities who poop in public
[23:14 deplancher] and know how to say
[23:14 tqr] Yes!
[23:15 deplancher] oh I don't know what it is I'm talking about. I want something to throw.
[23:15 doomey] hah
[23:15 tqr] How about a brick?
[23:15 deplancher] I want to have hope but it is dark
[23:15 doomey] that was...
[23:15 doomey] thrilling
[23:15 deplancher] see
[23:15 tqr] It was, it was like coming.
[23:15 deplancher] even I want to see something broken
[23:16 doomey] oh christ we are a dour lot
[23:16 deplancher] and i am a peaceful snowboarder
[23:16 doomey] how do you spell dour?
[23:16 deplancher] wait! I will snowboard to the other side
[23:16 tqr] DeP, you must let the better angels of you nature prevail.
[23:16 tqr] Break on through to the other side, sister.
[23:16 deplancher] what is it, this dour? Dower?
[23:16 deplancher] what is it, this dour? Dower?
[23:16 tqr] So, have we exhausted that topic?
[23:16 deplancher] Yes, let the wings sprout then
[23:16 doomey] no
[23:17 doomey] i think it still has some life in it
[23:17 deplancher] And I will fly, nay, dance away under the light of my beer bottle sand filled lamp
[23:17 doomey] that is a nice fucking lamp, DeP
[23:17 deplancher] Okay. Maybe the hollow romance will return
[23:17 tqr] I don't get down to the Floor, to often.
[23:18 deplancher] Merci, Doomey. You can borrow it sometime.
[23:18 tqr] I envy you your deprivation and your suffering.
[23:18 tqr] What doesn't kill you can only make you stronger.
[23:18 doomey] before you...
[23:18 deplancher] It's so cold, T. You don't know.
[23:18 doomey] launch us into the next topic
[23:18 deplancher] But we are strong.
[23:18 tqr] I will bring down some space heaters on Monday.
[23:18 doomey] please allopw me...
[23:18 tqr] The work load has really tailed off anyhow.
[23:19 deplancher] to introduce
[23:19 doomey] yeah man, it's friggin cold in that haunted disco!
[23:19 tqr] Just don't step on the panels, sister.
[23:19 doomey] we need heaters, baby
[23:19 tqr] I'm going to the next topic, if you don't mind.
[23:19 doomey] and hookers
[23:19 doomey] no wait!
[23:19 doomey] i wanted a moment!
[23:20 tqr] I hope you did your homework!
[23:20 deplancher] no, walk around
[23:20 tqr] OK, poo you.
[23:20 tqr] A moment!
[23:20 doomey] yes!
[23:20 doomey] damn it!
[23:20 doomey] i have something to say!
[23:20 tqr] Sepak!
[23:20 doomey] can i?
[23:20 doomey] okay
[23:20 doomey] well
[23:20 deplancher] what if we did not, T? do we have to listen to Def Leppard again?
[23:20 doomey] see
[23:21 doomey] i'm working on a book
[23:21 doomey] has to do with bathbath technique
[23:21 tqr] No, William Shatner singing Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds, DeP.
[23:21 doomey] i wanted to ask y'all if iut'd be oka7y
[23:21 doomey] if i asked you a couple of questions
[23:21 tqr] It's only funny the first 25 times you listen, then, well, suicide city baby!
[23:22 deplancher]
[23:22 tqr] Sure, a new aspect of TRG is always welcome.
[23:22 tqr] Shoot. Just don't get personal or I'll have to kill your family.
[23:22 doomey] okay
[23:22 doomey] and, btw
[23:22 doomey] shatner is God
[23:22 doomey] but
[23:23 doomey] the question is
[23:23 doomey] and i should tell you
[23:23 tqr] poo!
[23:23 deplancher] But why does Paul Anka sings 'Smells Like Teen Spirit'?
[23:23 doomey] this is a bathroom book
[23:23 tqr] Poo!
[23:23 deplancher] PoO
[23:23 doomey] do you guys fold the toilet tissue?
[23:23 doomey] or do you bunch it? [23:24 deplancher] I do not read and go to the toilet concurrently.
[23:24 tqr] I kind of fold it and twist it, more like a Mobius Strip deal.
[23:24 doomey] i need answers, people
[23:24 deplancher] but never buy the scratchy one ply [23:24 doomey] okay
[23:24 tqr] So, what I wipe my ass with is a symbol of infinity, too.
[23:24 deplancher] see
[23:24 doomey] one ply
[23:25 doomey] oh my god!
[23:25 deplancher] everyone, I mean, everyone must wipe
[23:25 doomey] what a bunch of crap that is!
[23:25 tqr] Isn't that deep?
[23:25 deplancher] yes, like the sandpaper
[23:25 doomey] deep? anywhat...
[23:25 doomey] second question
[23:25 tqr] Nobody ever goes in, nobody ever comes out...
[23:25 deplancher] So you're bathroom book is an important piece
[23:26 doomey] yes important
[23:26 tqr] ha ha. You're punny.
[23:26 doomey] i think it will sell millions
[23:26 tqr] The network is going to fire my ass.
[23:26 deplancher] yes the second Doomey? I want to be part of the book
[23:26 doomey] network?
[23:26 tqr] Would you get on with it, Doomey. This is expensive time.
[23:26 doomey] oh
[23:26 doomey] second?
[23:26 doomey] well
[23:26 doomey] um
[23:26 deplancher] They are taking pictures?
[23:27 tqr] Question, Dulcinea.
[23:27 doomey] do you read while you do #2
[23:27 deplancher] Wear your long coat on the way out.
[23:27 tqr] Hello, why do you think we made you type in the Teddy, DeP?
[23:27 tqr] Just cuz it's comfy cozy? No!
[23:27 tqr] Yes, I do read.
[23:27 deplancher] Absolutely not.
[23:28 doomey] i read the hottest self help books while i'm on the toilet
[23:28 tqr] And #2 works for me!
[23:28 tqr] Say my name!
[23:28 doomey] and some select porno
[23:28 deplancher] From my research conducted within close range, this seems to be man thing.
[23:28 tqr] Man thing, good.
[23:28 tqr] Woman, bad.
[23:28 doomey] no
[23:28 doomey] not a man thang
[23:29 deplancher] To sit and stink while reading is..
[23:29 tqr] What on earth are you talking about, DeP?
[23:29 doomey] i know women who
[23:29 tqr] Don't say it!
[23:29 tqr] Ewwwwww
[23:29 doomey] read poetry on the toilet
[23:29 deplancher] ...does not work for me
[23:29 tqr] Can we get back to things literary, you scatological PT Barnum!
[23:29 doomey] i want
[23:29 doomey] in the future
[23:29 deplancher] I read in other locations
[23:29 doomey] a bookcase in my bathroom
[23:30 doomey] i want
[23:30 doomey] eventually, do all my reading
[23:30 tqr] Scatalogically speaking, I think you are stinking up the place with your potty mouth.
[23:30 doomey] in the bathroom
[23:30 deplancher] but not while on toilet but I thank you for giving me the opportunity to consider. And share this knowledge with the world.
[23:30 doomey] well
[23:30 doomey] okay
[23:30 tqr] Next topic!
[23:31 doomey] my book will be out soon
[23:31 deplancher] Is there a 3rd question, Doomey?
[23:31 doomey] third?
[23:31 tqr] Regarding Hemingway's The Short Happy Life of Francis Macomber, did Margot Macomber shoot her husband on purpose or by accident? What leads you to this conclusion?
[23:31 deplancher] for use in your toilet book research?
[23:31 doomey] sadly
[23:31 doomey] non
[23:31 deplancher] Sniff.
[23:31 tqr] DeP, did you do your homework? Have you a qualified opinion on this pressing matter?
[23:32 deplancher] Well, I am so certain it is qualified. But
[23:32 deplancher] Margaret, Margot to poor Francis [who brings to mind a certain cheval]..
[23:32 tqr] Did you read the story I gmailed you?
[23:33 deplancher] was a snappy woman not pleased with her coward man, if that's what he was with his lion problem
[23:33 deplancher] But Wilson
[23:33 tqr] Yes, but she was in control when he was cowardly with the lion.
[23:34 tqr] Once he lost is fear with the buff, it was head shot with the Mannlicher time.
[23:34 tqr] Mannlicher, that's some kind of symolic brand name, sister.
[23:35 tqr] Yes, Wilson, the red faced great white hunter...
[23:35 tqr] Doomey, as an aside, don't be afraid to POO.
[23:35 tqr] If you want in this conversation, that is.
[23:35 deplancher] Wilson and she were of the same blood
[23:36 tqr] At least for a few minutes, sister.
[23:37 tqr] Have we lost our connection?
[23:37 tqr] What are those producers good for anyhowt?
[23:37 doomey] "Margaret was too beautiful for Macomber to divorce her and Macomber had too much money for Margot to leave him."
[23:37 doomey] er, sorry
[23:37 doomey] poo
[23:38 tqr] Yes, but there are more telling lines to quote than that, mein froind.
[23:38 doomey] yah
[23:38 tqr] Doomey, I recognize your poo. You have the floor.
[23:38 doomey] like
[23:38 doomey] the one about
[23:38 deplancher] Mr. Robert Wilson...so beautiful
[23:38 doomey] "If he had been better with women..."
[23:39 tqr] No!
[23:39 doomey] i don't want the floor. i give it back to DeP
[23:39 tqr] Wilson finishes a dialogue with '...you know in Africa no woman ever misses her lion and no white man ever bolts.'
[23:39 doomey] what do you mean "No!"
[23:40 doomey] no no no wait
[23:40 doomey] frig!
[23:40 doomey] wilson
[23:40 tqr] I mean, 'No' that bit from the story you wrote has not as much relevance as what I just quoted.
[23:40 deplancher] Margot was done with him before
[23:40 doomey] he has nothing to do with anything whatsoever
[23:40 doomey] he is hemingway
[23:41 deplancher] but this time...
[23:41 deplancher] she is really done
[23:41 tqr] It sounds as if DeP wants to take Margot's place in the back of the car with the Mannlicher.
[23:41 doomey] i hate that character wilson
[23:41 tqr] Wilson: 'Cold, flat, machine-gunner eyes.'
[23:42 deplancher] Margot is a beast!
[23:42 deplancher] Not like me at all, T.
[23:42 deplancher] Not like me at all, T.
[23:42 tqr] He's a beast with .505 to do his killing for him.
[23:42 deplancher] Wilson and she deserve each other. They are both killers
[23:42 tqr] I agree.
[23:42 tqr] But they are both lone wolves, too.
[23:43 doomey] did you guys know that the story is based on fact? which links to our other conversation about what sells and real life fiction.
[23:43 deplancher] And the lion. Is Francis..
[23:43 deplancher] No, I did not know this.
[23:43 doomey] but the topic, baby
[23:43 tqr] Listen to me you both! Wilson is unadulterated human nature at its most basic level.
[23:43 doomey] did she do him
[23:43 doomey] or not do him? [23:44 deplancher] She shot him. Yes. On purpose.
[23:44 tqr] She fucking did him!
[23:44 deplancher] It was time to get rid of him.
[23:44 tqr] Oh, I thought you meant 'do wilson'.
[23:44 deplancher] And who was there to curse her for it?
[23:44 deplancher] Wilson, a killer himself?
[23:44 doomey] you know
[23:44 deplancher] Though he feigns integrity...
[23:44 deplancher] he
[23:44 tqr] But, to play devil's advocate.
[23:44 deplancher] Doomey, quoi?
[23:45 tqr] Hemingway's description plainly states that Margot was aiming for the buffalo.
[23:45 tqr] You can go check it out.
[23:45 tqr] So, is he being coy?
[23:45 doomey] "She was very afraid of something."
[23:45 deplancher] So she is just a poor shot?
[23:45 doomey] hem is always very coy
[23:45 doomey] too coy
[23:46 deplancher] Or is this just what he wants us to think? A decoy
[23:46 doomey] it could go either way
[23:46 deplancher] She is the killer.
[23:46 deplancher] But only in that moment.
[23:46 tqr] She is more of the psychological killer, though.
[23:47 deplancher] It is not so much in her nature but almost anyone, given the circumstances, can do heinous acts.
[23:47 tqr] When it comes to actually phsyically killing, she mostly stayed back in the 'shade'.
[23:47 doomey] she could have killed him with attitude
[23:47 doomey] earlier
[23:47 doomey] with cold eyes
[23:47 deplancher] and scorn
[23:48 doomey] i think
[23:48 doomey] she is either or
[23:48 doomey] a victim
[23:48 doomey] a murderer
[23:48 tqr] poo
[23:48 tqr] pardon me, but poo
[23:48 deplancher] What is she looking for?
[23:48 doomey] hemingway pulls this shit all the time
[23:48 tqr] poo poo poo
[23:48 deplancher] Go, T.
[23:48 doomey] ted?
[23:49 tqr] Thank you...
[23:49 tqr] Here's some dialogue to lend credence to DeP's thing'
[23:50 tqr] Margot: 'Well then, as Wilson said, kil him [the lion] and stop his roaring."
[23:50 tqr] Once Francis becomes the lion, she may be taking her own advice.
[23:50 deplancher] It was not premeditated
[23:50 doomey] right
[23:50 tqr] You have changed your story midstream, DeP. Why?
[23:50 deplancher] Yes, the symbolism is he is the lion.
[23:51 deplancher] Francis. His pursuers are relentless as are the hunters with the lion...
[23:51 doomey] i did not catch that
[23:51 tqr] So, in a court of law, Margot would be tagged with 2nd degree homicide? Crime of passion?
[23:51 deplancher] No, I have not changed. Margot is the killer.
[23:51 doomey] he was the lion?
[23:52 doomey] christ
[23:52 doomey] i am stupid
[23:52 deplancher] Non, Doomey. You are shy.
[23:52 tqr] Well, I love this story Doomey, cuz...
[23:52 doomey] yesh
[23:52 deplancher] You know the answer but you don't want to say it.
[23:52 doomey] shy
[23:52 tqr] you can interpret it a lot of ways
[23:53 tqr] depending on your own pov.
[23:53 doomey] and thus... hemingway
[23:53 deplancher] Doomey=shy
[23:53 doomey] quake bastard
[23:53 tqr] Shy about what?
[23:53 tqr] Are you two playing grab ass?
[23:53 deplancher] master quake
[23:53 tqr] We're talking some serious shit here.
[23:53 doomey] let's talk about hem and his weight
[23:53 deplancher] this is important, T.
[23:53 tqr] Oh no, have I broached the toilet book subject again?
[23:54 tqr] I meant to say, serious subjects!
[23:54 tqr] Hem was fat?
[23:54 deplancher] We know, T. There are lessons to be learned.
[23:54 doomey] no
[23:54 deplancher] No, but he wore a nice hat.
[23:54 doomey] his weight
[23:54 deplancher] Literary, silly T.
[23:54 doomey] per literature
[23:55 tqr] No, let's get down to brass tacks again. I may have missed your final answers. Doomey, give me your take on the chick blowing her hubby's head off.
[23:55 doomey] hah
[23:55 doomey] i don't know why
[23:55 doomey] but that was friggin funny
[23:56 doomey] and [23:56 doomey] did she blow his head off?
[23:56 tqr] Good answer!
[23:56 doomey] highly doubtful
[23:56 tqr] Yes!
[23:56 doomey] really? yes!
[23:57 tqr] DeP, give me your final answer, interpratation or whatever.
[23:57 doomey] she fell off her stool
[23:58 tqr] Concerning The Short Happy Life of F Macomber, and why he got it in the end.
[23:58 doomey] i think we should call 911
[23:58 tqr] She blowed his head clean off, though, bra. You didn't catch that part?
[23:58 doomey] DeP! how many fingers am i holding up?!
[23:58 tqr] Well, not clean off. Just a good piece of frontal lobe.
[23:59 deplancher] She shot his head off while Wilson shot the Buffalo.
[23:59 tqr] Not unlike Hem did to himself, in the end.
[23:59 doomey] no, wait, about the "blowing his head clean off" bit
[23:59 tqr] But that's beside the point. DeP, welcome back!
[23:59 tqr] Give me you final interpretation of the killing of Francis Macomber.
[23:59 deplancher] She did it in a moment of the hunt without necessarily meaning to off him yet meaning to a the same time as she had been doing for a long time. Symbolically.
[23:59 doomey] there is no way
[23:59 doomey] she coulld have shot him [00:00 doomey] no
[00:00 tqr] I like that answer, DeP. It's having it both ways, but sometimes in life, that's how it works.
[00:00 doomey] not in a hemingway story
[00:00 doomey] she fucked up
[00:00 tqr] What's your grudge with Hem, Doomey?
[00:01 deplancher] But Doomey. At first I thought it might have been Wilson who shot him. But what is the motive?
[00:01 doomey] she was dependent on him
[00:01 tqr] You must admit, this story of his is freaking cool.
[00:01 doomey] yes
[00:01 doomey] good story
[00:01 deplancher] Margot had the motive, even if she ultimately didn't mean it to go this far. She'd been killing him for years.
[00:01 deplancher] He was already dead.
[00:02 deplancher] Good story, absolutely.
[00:02 tqr] Yes. You speak truth about the killing him for years deal.
[00:02 doomey] she depended on the bastard
[00:02 tqr] The story is making more sense now that you say these things, DeP.
[00:02 doomey] sick relationship
[00:02 doomey] but...
[00:02 deplancher] But with gun in hand, she realized that she is not so dependent maybe?
[00:02 tqr] Now it is Doomey's turn to 'wow' me.
[00:02 doomey] it's a friggin love story, sister
[00:02 deplancher] K
[00:03 doomey] we've seem sick stuff
[00:03 tqr] I'm following you, if you finish strongly, Doomey.
[00:03 doomey] relationships and stuff
[00:03 tqr] Love betwixt who? The two men?
[00:03 doomey] these two folk
[00:03 tqr] That love that dare not speak it's name?
[00:04 doomey] needed each other
[00:04 doomey] she broke down after she shot him
[00:04 doomey] she fucked up!
[00:04 tqr] That's right. I guess my wanting some homoerotica just went out the window.
[00:04 deplancher] who would not? the trance was broken
[00:05 tqr] So, you say, she did not do it on purpose. And we can trust Hemingway's description of her having aimed for the buffalo, but missed with terrible consequence.
[00:06 doomey] s'my guess
[00:06 deplancher] Non! She did it on purpose, T.
[00:06 tqr] You are both wrong and you are both right.
[00:06 doomey] she will have a hard time dealing with life
[00:06 tqr] Yes, she will.
[00:06 doomey] with her hubby out of the picture
[00:06 deplancher] That is the beauty of a great piece
[00:07 tqr] DeP, you yourself said she didn't consciously do it on purpose, but unconcsiously, she did.
[00:07 deplancher] She will be changed, yes.
[00:07 doomey] yesh
[00:07 tqr] But I have the ultimate key!
[00:07 tqr] Francis and Wilson were getting mighty chummy there at the end.
[00:07 deplancher] Quick then
[00:07 doomey] key?
[00:08 doomey] yesh
[00:08 deplancher] Oh you have been spending too much time in the toilet reading
[00:08 tqr] What with their mutual killing and shooting and grabbing each other's arms and all.
[00:08 deplancher] You mean Wilson was
[00:08 doomey] oh christ
[00:08 tqr] It was the love that dare not speak it's name blooming right there in front of us on the savannah, sister!
[00:08 deplancher] making plans for Nigel, I mean, Francis??
[00:09 tqr] Yes!
[00:09 tqr] Margot had no other choice.
[00:09 deplancher] So Margot shot to keep them apart? What, T. Help him, Doomey.
[00:09 tqr] She knew Francis was going to leave her and take up with Wilson.
[00:10 tqr] And they'd live happily ever after in Wilson's double wide cot.
[00:10 deplancher] And the buffalo was really Wilson?
[00:10 doomey] i understand
[00:10 doomey] the jeep was margot
[00:10 doomey] right?
[00:10 tqr] See?
[00:10 tqr] That's that.
[00:10 deplancher] But what of Abdulia then
[00:10 deplancher] I guess that is for tomorrow.
[00:11 doomey] of the savana?
[00:11 tqr] Hemingway was really just venting his homoerotic nature that could never come out in the light of day.
[00:11 doomey] ah
[00:11 doomey] yes
[00:11 doomey] of friggin course
[00:11 deplancher] Margot of the Savana...the name of your bathroom book is
[00:11 tqr] He had to cloak it with manliness, killing, drinking and doing other men's women with cold, machine-gunner's eyes.
[00:11 deplancher] How could we have been so blind, Doomey?
[00:12 tqr] Well, they didn't make me host for nothing, sister!
[00:12 doomey] this must be revealed to the public, eh?
[00:12 deplancher] Did Abdulia even have a driver's license?
[00:12 tqr] All your points are valid. Great literature is such that you can dig into it and come up with all kinds of crazy interps, sister.
[00:13 doomey] hemingway was a...
[00:13 deplancher] Yes, well there are hosts needed for the new genre I was talking about as well, T.
[00:13 tqr] What do you think 75 percent of those bullshit Master's Thesis's are, anywho?
[00:13 tqr] Bullshit! But the text is so rich, they can get away with it sister!
[00:13 doomey] what new genre, DeP
[00:14 doomey] hello?
[00:14 doomey] oh, jeez
[00:15 deplancher] It is the blue light
[00:15 tqr] 911?
[00:15 tqr] Like K-Mart?
[00:15 doomey] well...
[00:15 deplancher] It's alright now. The snow was coming in the window again.
[00:15 doomey] special
[00:15 tqr] Anyhow. I think this is the part of the show where we make our predictions.
[00:15 doomey] where you at, DeP?
[00:16 doomey] you with Santa?
[00:16 tqr] The darkest reaches of Mordor.
[00:16 tqr] I met a girl so fair.
[00:16 deplancher] Yes, we are building stockings and little elves' suits
[00:16 tqr] er, I think it's 'depths', not 'reaches'.
[00:16 deplancher] North Country
[00:17 doomey] predictions, ah mutha of mothra.
[00:17 doomey] mordor
[00:17 tqr] Give the dark Lord Sauron my best.
[00:17 deplancher] fair
[00:17 doomey] oh my god
[00:17 doomey] you are such the geek
[00:17 tqr] Predictions! Doomey?
[00:17 deplancher] I will remember you to the Polar Bears
[00:17 doomey] mega frickin geek, sister
[00:17 doomey] pres of what, theo?
[00:18 tqr] Hey, it's been a long show.
[00:18 doomey] icecream?
[00:18 deplancher] What is the topic for predictions?
[00:18 tqr] Predictions! Of literature or stories or anything!
[00:18 deplancher] We want to be predictory and intelligent
[00:18 doomey] dat's what i'm sayinb
[00:19 doomey] i predict!
[00:19 doomey] um
[00:19 tqr] Build on what we've already said so far for your prediction, I don;'t friggin know!
[00:19 doomey] oh christ theo
[00:19 tqr] Be candid, honest, biting, hip, funny, surreal or something.
[00:19 tqr] For the love of Gandalf!
[00:20 doomey] you are such a goddamn pillow
[00:20 doomey] okay
[00:20 doomey] well
[00:20 tqr] Is that your prediction, you weltering pillow puncher.
[00:20 tqr] er, biter.
[00:20 doomey] literature is dead
[00:20 doomey] didn't they say that
[00:20 doomey] about rock and roll?
[00:20 tqr] When did it die?
[00:21 doomey] which?
[00:21 doomey] rock?
[00:21 doomey] literature?
[00:21 deplancher] Stories will emerge from elementary schools spawning from small children waking in the night to see small yellow elves dancing on their window sills. It will scare the Prime Minister and el Presidente such that they will stop arguing and posturing and just meet on Sundays and ride horses in their high pants. And all the Canadjians will move to New Mexico and California. But only for the month of January.
[00:21 tqr] Lit, you freak.
[00:21 doomey] it's all dead
[00:21 doomey] our planet is rushing toward the sun
[00:22 doomey] oh my god
[00:22 tqr] Your prediction is much more hopeful, DeP, than dour Doomey's.
[00:22 doomey] DeP really put it all out on that one, eh?
[00:22 tqr] New Mexico is nice in January. They should wear a jacket though.
[00:22 doomey] one point
[00:23 tqr] April is still the cruelest month.
[00:23 doomey] one question
[00:23 tqr] Yes, Doomey-o.
[00:23 doomey] can we have a meeting soon?
[00:23 doomey] per TQR bus'ness
[00:23 tqr] Boy, we sure didn't rush this episode, did we?
[00:24 deplancher] Is this a review?
[00:24 tqr] Yes, definitely. What do you want to meet about?
[00:24 tqr] Good review. The time has flown!
[00:24 doomey] get all the lazy (bleep)suckers out into the open?
[00:24 deplancher] Is it always going to be just us 3?
[00:25 doomey] we need to get on the same page, sister
[00:25 doomey] we need to play ball... see?
[00:25 deplancher] Well, we have our own tiny way of saying things.
[00:25 tqr] I hear that. But if I alienate them too much, then they may tell me to fuck off! They are all very good editorial minds.
[00:25 doomey] manditory meeting, i say.
[00:25 deplancher] each of meaning what we mean.
[00:25 tqr] If not taking a cotton to the performance nature of the site.
[00:25 deplancher] participation
[00:26 doomey] performance
[00:26 doomey] hah
[00:26 doomey] ha hah hah
[00:26 tqr] What I don't think a lot of folks get yet is...
[00:26 deplancher] rapport
[00:26 tqr] Now here me out.
[00:26 doomey] this could all be so grand
[00:26 deplancher] is
[00:27 deplancher] ok
[00:27 tqr] the performance is also, and should be, very serious.
[00:27 tqr] Par example...
[00:27 tqr] Doomey, your why I shot the capital out the porthole post was brilliant.
[00:28 doomey] yah
[00:28 tqr] Funny, entertaining, in character, and, fucking bottomline honest and true.
[00:28 doomey] i tried
[00:28 tqr] Hemingway would have been proud.
[00:28 doomey] hah [00:28 doomey] good ol' hem
[00:28 tqr] What people don't get right now is that TQR aims to entertain and inform all in one bold stroke.
[00:29 doomey] yah baby
[00:29 doomey] we're new and bold and wow
[00:29 doomey] he ho
[00:29 tqr] They are thinking we are all silly ninnys just bloviating to here ourselves talk, which we all in our own ways have proven false by our participation.
[00:29 deplancher] do you think we are being too obtuse
[00:29 tqr] No.
[00:30 doomey] obtuse. i love that word.
[00:30 tqr] I like the picture you all are painting of your space down there. It is a story within a story within a story.
[00:30 deplancher] not serious enough?
[00:30 tqr] Which is what I wanted to do here in the first place. That's the concept.
[00:31 tqr] DeP. You are doing great. I like your mix of light and heavy.
[00:31 doomey] yah, we should get mean and stuff.
[00:31 doomey] nah
[00:31 tqr] Anyhow. My thing is, I want to give people more time to follow our lead.
[00:31 doomey] i dunno
[00:32 tqr] If I get in their faces too soon, it'll be us doing all the fucking work.
[00:32 doomey] some pretty kick stories came through me
[00:32 tqr] At least they are reading slush.
[00:32 doomey] i like what's going on, sisters
[00:32 tqr] What do you say, DeP?
[00:32 deplancher] ok, yes this is fun
[00:33 deplancher] It's just new and I like the rapport that seems to be
[00:33 doomey] DeP-o-rama?
[00:33 deplancher] building
[00:33 tqr] Let me just say, without you two, the concept would be on life support right now. Thank you.
[00:33 deplancher] just thought there would be all of us participating
[00:33 doomey] like lego
[00:33 deplancher] yes lego
[00:34 deplancher] well, I think we are doing it because it has potential, we are a little
[00:34 doomey] yah, we'll needle raygun
[00:34 deplancher] versatile. yes, right Doomey?
[00:34 tqr] Don't you mean the eld Legalos?
[00:34 tqr] He could fire those arrows, yeah!
[00:34 doomey] who is on the Floor?
[00:34 tqr] Elf, I meant to type.
[00:34 doomey] me and DeP
[00:34 deplancher] Non, I meant Los Lobos
[00:34 doomey] and raygun
[00:35 tqr] Edith Prickly, who never posts. Ron Raygun is running a good race so far.
[00:35 tqr] Better than most.
[00:35 deplancher] and guy lafloor who is... no one?
[00:35 doomey] yah
[00:35 deplancher] yes, ron is good
[00:35 doomey] but raygun is a dumbshit
[00:35 deplancher] when he shows
[00:35 tqr] Yeah, Guy is currently empty.
[00:35 deplancher] he is supposed to be
[00:35 doomey] he posts shit about "stories"
[00:35 deplancher] our boss?
[00:35 deplancher] Yet I don't feel like I have a boss
[00:35 tqr] Actually, Guy was out of the whole deal, then I convince him to help out one quarter on the Terminal.
[00:36 deplancher] Doomey? We can do whatever we want. Maybe we can pretend to be the boss and post under his
[00:36 tqr] You are the bosses. I just gave him that cuz he's my cousin.
[00:36 tqr] Nepotism, baby!
[00:37 tqr] Just kidding.
[00:37 doomey] hah
[00:37 tqr] Yeah, Doomey, I don't like the staff not adhering to the lingo any better than you do.
[00:37 deplancher] Yay! I don't want to be the boss
[00:37 doomey] yah yah
[00:37 deplancher] But I can be the boss.
[00:37 doomey] no big
[00:37 doomey] i do dog digging on them
[00:37 deplancher] YOu can be the boss, Doomey. I want some pie.
[00:37 doomey] hah
[00:38 tqr] And you do it so well.
[00:38 deplancher] Well, T. You are stuck with us.
[00:38 tqr] So, anyhow. We need to be patient for a while at least.
[00:38 doomey] so
[00:38 tqr] If this inactivity continues, I will bring the hammer down.
[00:38 doomey] wad time is it there DeP?
[00:38 deplancher] At least until my tipi gets a stove in it.
[00:38 deplancher] 9:39 [00:39 deplancher] you?
[00:39 tqr] You both know I'm going to put all this in the transcript, right?
[00:39 doomey] sister!
[00:39 tqr] You shouldn't have brought this up if you didn't want it going public.
[00:39 deplancher] Ouch. Evidence 101
[00:39 doomey] i have a whole on you!
[00:39 doomey] oh
[00:39 doomey] dude
[00:39 deplancher] what whole
[00:39 doomey] there
[00:39 doomey] is
[00:39 doomey] so
[00:39 doomey] nobody
[00:39 doomey] watching
[00:40 doomey] this
[00:40 doomey] shit
[00:40 tqr] Just kidding. I wouldn't drop the dime on youse like that.
[00:40 deplancher] much toilet water
[00:40 tqr] Doomey, did you ever get around to making your prediction?
[00:40 doomey] pred?
[00:40 doomey] well
[00:40 doomey] christ
[00:40 doomey] i think
[00:40 doomey] ...
[00:40 doomey] ...
[00:41 doomey] ...
[00:41 doomey] ...
[00:41 deplancher] oh I have to get the horse to the barn for feeding
[00:41 tqr] So I should transcribe ALL of this conversation then, Doomey, is what you're saying?
[00:41 doomey] monkeys will come into style
[00:41 doomey] thjat's my pred
[00:41 tqr] Thanks, DeP. Who's going to ride your wild horses?
[00:41 tqr] When I'm gone?
[00:42 doomey] wiiiiiiiild horses
[00:42 deplancher] prose and style.
[00:42 doomey] i like those guys
[00:42 tqr] They we're calling Wiiiild Fire.
[00:42 doomey] cool dudes
[00:42 deplancher] [couldn't but might] drag me away
[00:42 tqr] That's the horsies names?'
[00:42 tqr] Nice.
[00:43 doomey] okay.
[00:43 tqr] Well, thank you both. Another episode has come and gone.
[00:43 doomey] thanks for dragging this mutha out to two hours
[00:43 deplancher] yes. prose and style.
[00:43 doomey] i do dig this shit, bro
[00:43 tqr] I will transcribe the show and leave out the juicy staff smack downing.
[00:44 doomey] hah
[00:44 doomey] best
[00:44 deplancher] yeth. my mouth is draigh. But it bin fun. Do you think we are juvenile?
[00:44 tqr] If that's what you both prefer.
[00:44 tqr] We are here to entertain and inform.
[00:44 doomey] or not
[00:44 deplancher] whatever you pwefler.
[00:44 doomey] put that shit in, bro!
[00:44 tqr] Juvenile and silverback
[00:44 doomey] no [00:44 doomey] i dunno
[00:44 tqr] so to speak. I'm puttting it all in, sister!
[00:44 deplancher] mon petite fleur
[00:45 tqr] No?
[00:45 doomey] right on!
[00:45 doomey] right on!
[00:45 tqr] Yes?
[00:45 deplancher] put it in. leave it all as it is. it speaks the truth.
[00:45 tqr] Crossing my wires, sister1
[00:45 tqr] !
[00:45 doomey] no?
[00:45 deplancher] Yes
[00:45 doomey] {\\
[00:45 deplancher] 3 hand luke. shake. shuke.
[00:45 tqr] OK. If Doomey's right, no one's reading it anyhowt.
[00:45 doomey] kerv [00:45
deplancher] pie
[00:45 doomey] that's right
[00:45 tqr] What the fuck, eh?
[00:46 deplancher] well, we can read it to ourselves then.
[00:46 doomey] ex
[00:46 deplancher] it
[00:46 deplancher] bye mes amies i am gone
[00:46 tqr] All right. You two have a good weekend. Thank you all for watching this week's Group.
[00:46 doomey] check you cats out latah!

TQR Genesis: The Initial Document

TQR, What's It All About Alfie
By Theodore Q. Rorschalk

What's TQR?

First it was nothing. The whole thing about scrolled stories on the Web finally pissed me off enough to where I asked myself the question: Why couldn't their be a better way? Page-by-page perhaps. It seemed to me like a revelation and a key to the Internet actually getting more people to read stories directly on it instead of buying Glimmertrain or Paris Review because 'Oh, I just can't give up the feel of a book in my hands and the wonders of paper!' So, I went around screaming this from the roof tops for a few days before it dawned on me that this innovation was, though revelatory, not The Revolution, but only a small spoke in its (The Revolution's) wheel. Then, the whole concept started landsliding in my brain.

I've always been a huge fan of SCTV and had been watching and re-watching their just released DVDs over and over and driving my wife insane. I just watched the film "The Matrix" again last week for the 10th time or so. Although, on first glance, these two different television entities may not have the slightest thing in common, you gotta take a closer look! Both play with what is reality and what isn't. The Matrix co-opts the Internet to create an alternate world that cloaks the nightmarish actuality Mankind has fallen into. SCTV co-opts television by creating a fictional station whose management structure and their foibles become just as hilarious as the faux programming they produce. In both cases, one world is shadowed by another. I'm not able to communicate the true genius of the contrivances. But they sure tapped into the collective unconscious somehow. At least The Matrix did. The timing for that movie was perfect because of how it took this fledgling Internet technology and stood it on its head. SCTV was too far ahead of it's time, imo, and so didn't garner as much public success.

So what the fuck does this have to do with my stumblings and bumblings around here? Well. I guess those are just two of the straws that broke my back, so to speak and made me start looking at E-pubs in a wholly different light.

Lemme explain myself. It's a common refrain: editors of e-zines lamenting their second class status in regards to literary (and genre) print journals. "Why oh why can't they be nice to us and give us the respect we deserve?" Well. The obvious answer is because why would they want to give credence to something that has the potential of sending their circulations plummeting? Why'd they want to give a helping hand to their potential competition? I ask you, why! No good reason pops to mind. The print editors are smart to give a little wave and a passing smile from afar. And that's how it will remain until e-zine editors stop whining and begin to understand that they will never be able to compete with print journals if they keep their current formats and standard operating procedures. The examples of why this is are many, but here are one or two of the biggest.

1. People like to read on paper just cuz that's how they learned to read, which puts e-publishing in a huge hole right off the bat. I don't buy the 'there's something about the feel of smashed pulp on my fingertips that just makes me orgasmic' line anymore than I believe the old writer's "There's something about the feel of a pencil in my hand and the sound of lead scratching on paper that I just can't pull myself away from.' (in lieu of composing straight onto the screen using a keyboard.) See? That stigma has been overcome, imo, because basic word processing programs have been around a hell of a lot longer than these stylized story mills known as e-zines. What's needed to push people over the hump from reading on paper to a computer monitor more comfortably is an improvement in software comparable to say, Microsoft's introduction of Word or even that old program Wordstar that I cut my teeth on back in the day. Who in my generation writes longhand anymore? Not a large percentage. Had you told Hemingway 70 years ago that pen to paper would one day be passe he probably would have given you the old one-two and thrown you over the bar. Back then it was unthinkable. You needed to peck with index fingers as hard as sledgehammers to operate a typewriter and, thus, even the types qualitative improvement couldn't overcome the cumbersomeness of the power pecking method needed to type back then. What happened to get people to compose on keyboards was the advent of the personal computer and it's companion, the keyboard. Improved technology. Granted, I don't think the paradigm shift from reading on a paper page to the screen is going to be as high a percentage of those who've gone from longhand writing to keyboard, but it will happen!

Before this shift will occur what needs to be addressed is, as I've alluded to in the previous paragraph, technology, software improvements of page layout specifically. Scrolling is a terrible application, imo, in it's current manifestation. Those who've grown used to it are a relatively small percentage of even those people too numerous to count who regularly surf the Web. In my opinion, that particular application has to change or be seriously modified before the public will start to read fiction more online (not to mention other types of textual material). Also, look at the word 'scroll' itself. How many thousands of years have passed since scrolls were in common use? You may laugh at this point, but words matter, even if on an unconscious level. The uninitiated's first contact with a story on the Web is facilitated by a 'scroll' bar? This could be the proverbial "You never get a second chance to make a first impression" bad first impression. The unending block of text that scrolling uses is a bane to all e-zines, no matter the aesthetic quality. The Paumanok Review, for instance, is a beautifully layed out e-zine. It's scroll is broken up nicely with white space and it's not too bad to read. But, what if Katherine Arline took the next step and went to a page-by-page or even a hybrid scroll/page format? In that particular e-zine's case, because it is already so superiorly layed out, it would be the closest thing to reading a print journal you could get on the Web. And K. Arline's hits, imo, would probably increase.

2. Aesthetics, too, are lacking for an e-zine culture to ever be able to differentiate itself from print. Why? Listen now, THIS IS IMPORTANT! E-zines cannot differentiate themselves from print journals (other than the fact that they are constantly living in the print's shadow, automatically looked down upon by both the public, the writing community, and the prints themselves) because most of e-zines DON'T EVEN TRY! Most them DON'T EVEN WANT TO! If they had their druthers, they'd be print journals themselves. They are essentially bastard step children, pixelated soft covers melted behind a flat screen of glass not because the public, their own peers and the print journals themselves are mean, backbiting, uneducated cretins, but because the fact their creator(s) couldn't afford the printer's fees and the logistical aggravations! If you follow what I'm saying (and I think I'm straying a little bit here, so'se lemme try and reiterate somehow and pull it all together), the fact is e-zines are simply print journals that happen to be floating around in cyberspace waiting for their underused url to be typed, instead of sitting on a shelf in some Barnes and Noble.

Here's the quarterly arc of most e-zines: Their editors and designers craft the new edition. Send out a few e-mails to search engines or post on the message boards of this place and various other specialty writing sites. For about a day, much festive hijinx ensues and accolades are sung. Then the fucking magazine sits there for 3 months like a stagnant pear that somebody forgot to throw away after it had shriveled up into a withered peel that'd lost all its juice. Nobody has thought to take advantage of the features exclusive to the Internet that the print journals couldn't even come close to realizing. And if they have, they've not done it in a way that has made much of any difference, as far as I know. (McSweeney's pops to mind, perhaps, as being an exception.) Which is a shame. There is the opportunity for real time editorial disclosures that submitting writers and writers in general could hugely benefit from. And the public at large, due to the human voyeuristic proclivity (reality televistion anyone?), might also be intrigued by this heretofore hidden world. This is just one boat all internet publishers have missed before now. And that is all I'm going to say about it further. I don't trust most of you bastards farther than I could throw you. If you are sincere and want to know the whole scoop, depending on who you are, I will share more. Until then. Good night.

TQR essay clarification
By Theo Q. Rorschalk

It's been brought to my attention, that my essay is easily misunderstood to be calling for a Web revolution that will shake the foundations of print journal publishing. And I can understand that it could be read that way because I spend a lot of time talking about print v. Web. The only revolution (or evolution, perahp, to put it more precisely) I am suggesting, however, needs to happen insularly: e-zines need to forget about print journals altogether and retool themselves. Stop trying to compete with print journals on print journal's terms, at least. E-zines need a whole new way of operating. They need to maximize the Internet's strengths, instead of ignoring them. Until e-zines start utilizing all the technology that is available to them to interact with their audience the way print journals cannot and never will be able to do, then all you're going to have is wannabe print journals lost in cyberspace. Thank you. #

Prospectus, www.tqrstories.com

Dear Investors,

And I address you as such because you are investing perhaps your most valuable commodity -- time -- to sample here what we have deemed fit for your consumption. No small consideration when frivolous dispensation of your time is one of the leading causes of Total Quantitative Faculty Burnout, otherwise known as TQFB or Total Quim F-ing Blarney by the younger generation. This has been proven by our science officers, in double-blind studies vetted by (none other than) the great grand niece of Abraham Maslow. TQFB, if left untreated, will cause long term bouts of catatonia and/or dementia and/or the purchasing and, inevitably, the playing of -- Sweet sister Mary Mother of God say it ain't so! -- the deluxe Pat Sajak home version of 'Wheel of Fortune.'

TQR staff are dedicated to helping you avoid this sinister fate or similar debilitations (random digital mucous extraction and clandestine mucous consumption and obsessive thumb rotation leading to repetitive twiddling disorder, etc, and so on) by endeavoring to ensure your time is only invested in the very finest of capital gains. 'Capital,' as we here at TQR reverently call it, in the form of stories. Though counterintuitive to the modern day idea of what constitutes capital, we see stories as the only form of currency that have consistently retained their value since the dawn of Man. And, (despite the invidious sway of the genus exampled by The Donald, Parasite Hiltonicus and the legion of other pop culture planaria that have lately invaded the collective consciousness of society at large) we are confident, that even up into this present day there is still that small, certain voice crying out for the effervescent catharsis only the finest of stories can bruit to bloom within the heart.

Stories like the first Papa, Og, grunted around the cave fire before the hunt, from which they knew some of them would not return; like Homer told of gods and men and the tragic consequences of the one confusing themselves for the other; like Mallory translated onto debtor's parchment from half-remembered myths and chanson de geste of knights and dragons and damsels in distress, as he languished inside the walls of prison; like Hemingway of his heroic submarine countermeasures aboard the stout Pilar in the deepest blue waters off the coast of Cuba, that he would peck onto stiff typewriter keys the next morning, despite the heaviness of his hungover brain.

From oral tradition passed down each generation, then scored into stone, stylized onto paper and finally pixellated onto a screen, the evolution of how stories are told and received has changed with the changing technologies. Yet, today, even though the Web reaches into more homes than there were citizens of Rome at its height of glory, electronic publishing has not yet fully embraced the story. It is TQR's solemn mission to see this change.

Through layouts that eschew the confounding scroll downs that are the bane of anyone who's ever tried to read on the Web, TQR proposes to mimic the experience of reading from a paper page -- while the text is still displayed on screen -- that the need for a printer and sheaf of papers will be gradually weaned from the habituary glands of its investors, and eventually forgotten. By this process, TQR will optimize the unlimited potential audience available on the Web, not to mention save some trees.

Lastly, TQR believes the best investments are those whose capital gains are mature and long term. The single-paragraph shorts seemingly invading every e-pub do not excite the investment managers at TQR. The material glut precludes the possibility of expanding markets, owing to the fact the saturation point was reached sometime back in 2001. TQR has faith the implementation of its page-by-page layout system -- wherein the page numbering systems make it simple to log out of a story and return to it hours, days or even weeks later and start exactly where you stopped reading -- will naturally liberate people from this pointless conditioned response. They also have faith in the superior quality of the fiction their capital managers will liberate from the slush heaps of history.

Verily, it is TQR's aim to publish stories of no more than 12,000 words and no less than 4,000. While this is, indeed, hubris intended to prove the page-by-page layout capable of holding an investor's attention over the long haul, it is also in response to the dearth of anything longer than 4,000 words on the Web. The market for the long story on today's Internet is wide open and is, in essence, a virgin ripe for the pillaging, and one the managers at TQR -- if you will pardon the redundancy -- plan to plumb to its deepest and most subterranean depths.

If you invest in TQR once, it is management's sincere belief that you will no longer continue to invest because you want to, but because you have to. The choice will no longer be yours. This investment will become a compulsion you will never again be able to willfully control. TQR has planted an anomaly in the elegant avenues of the Information Super Highway, a merciless and benign cancer that has already begun to metastasize and make crooked what the once impervious gods in the machine had originally made straight. Chance has been written out of the equation. There has only ever been one real choice.

Always, The Chairman

TQR: Introductory letter

Hello,

My name is Theodore Q. Rorschalk, thus the title of this blog. Aside from the pun, it also points to the fact that I recently started an e-zine [www.tqrstories.com] that, I believe, will blow the status quo all to hell. That is, if enough investors catch on to the uniqueness of the concept, enough venture capitalists buy into the competitive, ego-maniacal thrill of it all, and my staff of mostly talented capital managers (Doomey hates that nomenclature and refers to himself as a broker, the prima donna) can bring themselves to make use of their offices in the region known as the Free Market.

Getting the public at large to get excited about progress is often like trying to pass a camel through the eye of a needle. Yes, I know the simile is played. But it's true! Move the end line those poor slobs have been crab walking up to for years and they are going to get just a little bit er, crabby, sister. But we're not here to make friends. We're here to move product! And our product is capital. [lingo: capital equals 'stories', the only capital throughout history that has stood the test of time] It's simple. The whole vetting process is capital, the interactions between the cap managers are capital; the fruit of all our labor is capital put on a special pedestal therein, known as Capital Gain. Yes, it's not what you're used to, but neither is realizing the epic beauty of solving quadratic equations. If you are willing to stick to it, and work, the returns are immeasurably satisfying.

Anyhow, that's just a bit of background information that may get you jump started into the corporate culture of capital-grabbing TQR. Or it may have just made you want to vomit confusion and angst. That's fine. If you don't want to work for this piece of literary/genre satori, go back to your humdrum lingo and once-every-quarter moments of capital excitement that quickly die, wherein the e-zine floats around cyberspace, a ghost ship, manned by unread capital and asleep-at-the-wheel capitans.

What I want this blog to accomplish is to show you the behind-the-scenes of the TQR behind-the-scenes transparencies. That is, giving you all a little background info on the day-to-day operation of the e-zine itself. As well as getting you up to speed on the lingo, the process and the wonder of it all. Please, sit back and enjoy the show.

Yours truly, Theo